Tash ‘The Duchess Of Croydon’

To twitter or not to twitter, that is the question? yes I’ve been considering doing the twitter thing in the run up to the book publication. But just don’t know that I’m actually interesting enough. Hmmmm. What do think?

x

Sorry its been such a long time. How are you?

Well I guess my big news is that last night I finished my first draft of The Parental Advisory Manual. Hurrah! I made the final alterations sat in bed eating a big fat bar of Galaxy chocolate. And then my eyes went all wonky from looking at the computer screen for 2 long.

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed writing he book and have loads of material ideas left over for book number 2 and now I have to wait and see what alterations my editor wants to make. It is very very rude indeed. Particularly the daddy CBeebies sex fantasies and the section on what really happens to women’s bodies after childbirth.

Elsewhere over the past month or so I’ve been mostly making Jim retch. Yes, this is because a few weeks ago Oscar and I made some chocolate chip cookies. I thought they were quite nice considering what a truly shit cook I am, but Jim thought they were revolting. He said they were too salty. Turns out I made them with salted butter (I didn’t know there was such a thing as salted or unsalted). Anyway, Oscar and I scoffed the lot. So yesterday we made some more - this time with unsalted butter. Again, Oscar and I thought they were great but Jim took a bite and started retching. He says he could taste the memory of the last salty batch. Can you really taste a memory? I think not.

Tash x

Hello,

So last week, Jim was off work and I seized the opportunity to go to the cinema all by myself in the afternoon. Before having kids I used to do it all the time - whether it was a film preview for work or just something that took my fancy - I just love going to the cinema on my own. So I left the kids with Jim and headed off to see The Wrestler. I was the only person in the cinema which was great. It meant that I didn’t have to crunch my popcorn quietly during the quiet bits of the film and I could cough without anyone tutting me. I thhink I must be quite tired and emotional at the moment cos I started crying hysterically during a trailer for a film called Benjamin Button. It just looked so sad. And the tears continued all the way through The Wrestler. A bleak but thoughtful film. I loved it. Mickey Rourke was great but I really wish I hadn’t had such a dodgy dream about him a few nights before. Made feel all funny. His face is very wrong isn’t it. Can’t believe he’s the same actor as the one in Angel Heart. Nevertheless he is brilliant in The Wrestler and I think I now love him. In a sex way.

Book is coming along nicely and still getting ruder and ruder. I will try to start work on a podcast soon I promise.

I accidently deleted some more comments again the other day. Sorry. I am proper shit.

Gotta go - I can smell poo and it isn’t coming from me. I hope.

tash x

Hello,

Can I firstly apologise to anyone who was posted a comment and has found themselves deleted. I’ve been receiving loads of spam comments and when I’m trawling through I’ve accidentally deleted genuine posts. I’m really really sorry and I’ll try not to do it again!

So the saddest news this week was the death of Tony Hart, a man who really did make a difference. He made art exciting for kids and inspired kids all over the country to smudge yellow chalk on black paper to make it look like a night time scene. I was genuinely sad when I heard the news. Plus, he introduced us all to Morph and Chas which in turn lead me and my friend Rachel to pretend that they were our husbands (Chas was ‘my’ husband if you are interested, as he was always a bit more butch than Morph,who was a bit too flaky for me).  Yes I do realise this was weird.

Meanwhile, the mountain of cheese in the fridge is a mountain no more. Most of it is in my tummy. Which is the best place for it really.

And that is all.

Tash x

Helloooooo!

Crikey, I’m so glad christmas is over. The flu totally knocked us out. I’ve never had flu before and it was awful - I can’t believe how long it has taken to get over it. So Xmas day kind of came and went with no real celebration - frozen Lasagne for xmas lunch and no booze. The boys still had a great time though which was my only concern. New years eve was uneventful too - Jim fell asleep at 9:30pm and I managed to hold out for a bit longer until I gave up and went to bed at 11:30!! Thats the 4th year in a row that I have been asleep at midnight on NYE. Rock n’ Roll!  I am an old lady and I just don’t care.

Meanwhile I’m still getting on with the book. I’m actually really enjoying writing it but I know it’s going to ruffle some feathers. The more I write, the ruder its getting. Put it this way - Daily Mail readers will shit themselves with outrage when they read it. Haha!

And now I am off to eat some of the mountains of cheese left over from Christmas. A nice big chunk of Stilton I think. Stilton is surely the most superior cheese. Feel free to disagree but I am right.

Tash xx

Hey!

It’s been a while since I last posted on here. We’ve all been ill with flu. It was dreadful - Jim got it first and was bed ridden for 3 days, then the boys and I got it too. Still feel shit this morning. My glands in my neck are like melons. I know a few of my friends have come down with it so its doing the rounds. It’s a snotfest in my house.

Meanwhile, the book is coming along nicely. Slowly. But nicely.

And I guess I should now wish you a very merry christmas - thank you for all your support over the last few months -it’s meant a lot to me. I may be a little quiet for the moment but you’ll be seeing a lot more of me in 2009.

Enjoy the festive fun and try not to get ill!

Tash xx

Ok so its official ‘The Parental Advisory Manual’ will be in the shops next year!! Yes, I have a book deal with a big publisher and now have to knuckle down and write the bloody thing.

I will hopefully make a return to radio next year as I am really missing my job so much but for now I really have to concentrate on the book. I have to write 50,000 words by March and although that seems like a long way off - its bloody difficult to do any writing when the boys are running riot in the house. I’m a full time mum so its gonna be tricky. As I write this blog now, Wilfie is standing on my lap pulling my hair and Oscar is dancing to some shite christmas album which he is playing at full volume. There are some ok xmas songs on the album like Kate Bush ‘December Will Be Magic Again’ and Diana Ross & The Supremes ‘Santa Claus Is Coming To Town’ but he keeps on playing fucking ‘Whigfield’ doing Wham’s ‘Last Christmas’. Its awful but I’ve heard it at least 8 times this morning. Why can’t he just play the original which is also on the album? I like Wham’s ‘Last Christmas’ as it reminds of my childhood love for Andrew Ridgeley. A love that is still burning strong. I wrote to Jim’ll Fix It once asking if he could arrange for me to marry Andrew Ridgeley on a rollercoaster. I’m still waiting. I also wrote asking if I could join Bananarama. I think they are down to just 2 band members now so there is room for me. I look pretty cool in dungerees. Also one of Bananarama is shacked up with Andrew Ridgeley. If I’m in the band, I could try to have it off with Andrew thus killing two birds with one stone. Sounds like a plan.

And now I must go and destroy Whigfield and her evil music.

Tash xx

Hello!

Are you still there? Do you miss me?

Sorry I’ve been so quiet of late - should have some news for you in the next few days…..can’t say any more just yet.

Do you fancy a little game of substitute? Ok lets substitute ‘cry’ for ’squirt’.

I’ll start it off with Elvis Presley’s ‘Squirting In The Chapel’. I thank you. Now over to you.

xx

Hello!

I’m really pleased to read the lovely comments about my podcast - if you haven’t yet had a listen you can do so right here:

The Duchess Of Croydon Podcast 02

And another thing - the hugely successful Channel 4 show ‘Come Dine With Me’ is returning for a new prime-time series. They will be visiting Croydon very soon and have asked me to ask you if you might be interested in taking part. If so then contact Richard.Dyson@itv.com

I would have taken part myself but I am such a terrible cook. Look what happened when I attempted to bake a cake for Wilfie’s first birthday last month:

Is it a cake or a frisbee?

x

How do?

Here we go then – Podcast number 2. Once again I think Jim steals the show with his contribution but other than that - the podcast features ranting, Mortasha, more radio porn, inappropriate song lyrics and nudity. Yes podcast nudity. Is it a first? I don’t know, but I do know that it was a bit chilly. Once again – this one is too rude for the kids.

The Duchess Of Croydon Podcast 02

Let me know what you think.

xx